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ROCK, FLAG & EEEEAGLE! -> The No Sonicu Forum -> fmylife.com goodness
Post Info TOPIC: fmylife.com goodness
Jason


Only in cartoons

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RE: fmylife.com goodness
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Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

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Jason: a demanding lover
Jasno: a lover in demand
Jason


Only in cartoons

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This site is a constant source of amusement for me:

"Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML"

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Jason: a demanding lover
Jasno: a lover in demand
DEATHPIGGIE


I'm fat and nobody likes me

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I'd think most of those are bull****.

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Jason


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Some of them are just too out there for someone to make them up:

For example:

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

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Jason: a demanding lover
Jasno: a lover in demand
john31584


Zinc Saucier

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I've actually heard of things like that happening with dogs and cats.

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Dexter


Worst Poster of Always

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Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML



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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Awkward Smile


Inconsiderate Hardcore Lesbian

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Soo.. this is the only topic for today?

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Dexter


Worst Poster of Always

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Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Jason


Only in cartoons

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Totally deserved that.


Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

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Jason: a demanding lover
Jasno: a lover in demand
Dexter


Worst Poster of Always

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Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with
you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When
I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She
said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of
her underwear. FML

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Ozpunker


Senior Member

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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

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Dexter


Worst Poster of Always

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Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML



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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Dexter


Worst Poster of Always

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Best. One. Ever.

Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "**** me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
MorisUkunRasik


World's Strongest Millionaire

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almost laughed at work admist dead silence.

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"Moris should be here soon to rub it in my face..." -Pizza
Awkward Smile


Inconsiderate Hardcore Lesbian

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Even Moris could figure out what pollo frito means.

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MorisUkunRasik


World's Strongest Millionaire

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whats that, like, french fries?

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"Moris should be here soon to rub it in my face..." -Pizza
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Inconsiderate Hardcore Lesbian

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And you're not suppose to say french fries during sex.
the end.

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MorisUkunRasik


World's Strongest Millionaire

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FRENCH FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

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"Moris should be here soon to rub it in my face..." -Pizza
Dexter


Worst Poster of Always

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Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Jason


Only in cartoons

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Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

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Jason: a demanding lover
Jasno: a lover in demand
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